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In an advice column published by Seniors Guide on Oct. 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas responds to a 75-year-old man who says he is considering leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage. Thomas recommends planning any change in living arrangements and seeking support, rather than treating separation as a decision the husband must make alone.
Advice columnist R. Eric Thomas has responded to a 75-year-old man who says he is considering leaving his wife after 45 years of marriage, describing their relationship as codependent and saying he no longer feels love or respect. In a column published by Seniors Guide on Oct. 26, 2026, Thomas urged him to think through practical arrangements and get support before deciding what to do.
The letter writer said his wife has experienced what he described as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder, and has received different forms of treatment for 30 years without success. He said mental health professionals and close friends had told him that the relationship was harming his mental health and advised him to leave. Those statements are the writer’s account; the column does not identify the professionals or provide independent details about his wife’s diagnosis or treatment.
The man said he had stayed because of his marriage vows, compassion for his wife and concern that she depends on him and would be devastated by a separation. He also described fear about leaving at age 75 and said he has no family to rely on, only friends. He told Thomas that he wanted the chance to have a healthy relationship before he died.
Thomas expressed sympathy for both spouses and said the strain of illness and caregiving may have changed the marriage. He asked whether the people advising the man to leave had helped him work out where he would live and what he would do. Thomas suggested reading Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The exchange focuses on a decision with emotional and practical stakes: whether to remain in a long marriage or seek a different arrangement, while considering both spouses’ needs. The man’s account highlights concerns that can complicate separation in later life, including reliance on a partner, limited family support and uncertainty about housing. Thomas’s response does not tell him to stay or leave; it emphasizes that a major change needs a plan and support.
The column also distinguishes compassion from taking sole responsibility for another adult’s future. Thomas writes that the wife’s dependence does not mean the husband must determine the marriage’s future alone. The advice frames the question as more than whether to pack a suitcase: the couple may need to consider what arrangements could work for each of them.
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A 45-Year Marriage Under Strain
The item appeared in Seniors Guide’s “Asking Eric” advice feature. The letter writer, identified as “Self-imprisoned,” described a relationship in which his wife’s long-term mental health difficulties and his caregiving role had become central. He said counselors had characterized the relationship as codependent, and he agreed with that assessment. The column does not independently verify the counseling or provide the couple’s names.
Thomas is identified by Seniors Guide as an author, playwright and screenwriter, and as a former interim advice columnist for Dear Prudence. The response recommends exploring options with a therapist and consulting a book about codependency. It does not report that the husband has decided to separate, that the couple has begun counseling, or that a new living arrangement has been selected.
“There are ways for a couple, codependent or not, to acknowledge that what they have isn’t working and make a plan for both of them to transition to a different arrangement.”
— R. Eric Thomas
No Separation Plan Is Reported
The column does not say whether the man has made a decision, whether his wife knows he is considering leaving, or whether the couple has access to therapy or other support. It also gives no details about finances, housing, caregiving needs or the wife’s current treatment. The description of her condition and the views attributed to professionals and friends come from the letter writer and are not independently substantiated in the report.
Thomas’s response is advice, not a report of an outcome. It remains unknown whether the couple will pursue counseling, stay together under different conditions or separate.
Support Before Any Change
Thomas recommends that the man explore what a different arrangement would involve, including where each spouse might live and what support they would need. He points to a therapist experienced in codependent couples and Beattie’s Codependent No More as possible resources. The column does not set out a timeline or say that any particular step has been scheduled.
For now, the next development is up to the couple and the support available to them. The published response leaves open whether they will seek counseling together, make separate plans or continue living as they are.
Key Questions
What did R. Eric Thomas advise the 75-year-old man?
Thomas urged him to think through the practical details of a different arrangement and not handle the decision alone. He suggested working with a marriage and family therapist familiar with codependent couples.
Has the man decided to leave his wife?
No. The column describes him as hesitant and afraid to leave, but does not report a final decision.
What does the column say about the wife’s mental health?
The letter writer said his wife has treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and has received treatment for 30 years. The report presents this as his account and does not independently verify a diagnosis.
What support did Thomas suggest?
Thomas suggested a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent relationships and recommended Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More. He also stressed that the man should not face the situation alone.
Source: seniorsguide.com
